My cousin and his wife are due around the dates that we were expecting (an actual date hadn't been scheduled for delivery but sometime after November 20th and she's due on Nov 27th or 28th).So on facebook yesterday I saw her status, it was one of those 'how far along I am, what the baby is like right now, and how long until I'm due' and I could barely breathe. I know how fast the day(s) are coming up, it's not like I needed a reminder, but to log on and have it in my face like that was overwhelming. I don't know what I'll be like throughout all of November and December, or well ever, but right now, with it approaching so fast I feel like I am sinking deeper into despair.
Today is three months since we lost our little boy, and three months and 3 days since we lost our little girl.
It's painful to think about how far along I should be by now, how close to perfect everything would be if we hadn't lost them.
And every day I think that if it weren't for me that would still be the case.